4 Reasons to be Happy the Giants Won the Superbowl

Having family in New England has sort of entrenched me as a Patriots fan, even though I don’t really have any strong NFL alliances (I rooted for the Packers last year mostly because they had a punter from Kentucky). But everyone in my family is a Patriots fan, so I feel some allegiance to the Patriots, in the sense that I love my family.

I watched the game with my uncle, spurning other Superbowl parties, because I thought he would like someone to watch the game with.  And I got into it as much as he did, and the loss burned as much in my soul as I think it did in his.  So, to help my uncle, and all the other die-hard Patriots fans, I came up with this list of 4 reasons to be happy the Patriots lost the Superbowl.

  • You have the satisfaction that you are helping clothe impoverished children in the third world.  Furthermore, the Patriots fanbase is going to be increasing massively by all those children wearing Patriots 19-0 shirts and now Superbowl XLVI Champions.

  • The Patriots injured several Giants tight ends, probably giving them career-ending injuries.  Travis Beckham and Jake Ballard probably are never going to play another game of football, thanks to their new ACL and miniscus/PCL tears in their respective knees.  Backup tight ends with gimpy knees generally don’t last long in football.  Those injuries should make you feel a lot more guilty as a human if Beckham and Ballard didn’t get Superbowl rings. If you’re a typical Patriots fan (read: sociopath), just skip to reason #3.

  • Traffic.  Can you imagine just how awful the traffic is going to be in NY on Tuesday when they have their victory parade?  Everyone in Boston gets to avoid that hassle and has an enjoyable commute to work.

  • The bonus for winning the Superbowl is $83K, which almost doubles the increase in your median taxable income, compared to losing the Superbowl.  Plus, MVP Eli Manning has a $100K gift that he’ll have to report on his 2012 tax return – good luck not getting audited! And just imagine how awful those taxes would be in Taxachusetts!

So, I guess – Go Celtics!

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